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and I'm not talking about sugar-free carbonated soft drinks.

We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.

You'll also find a great selection of dating articles and advice along with the ability to do a free search of singles in your area.

Sign up to one of the dating rooms through Free Dating and you'll receive various membership bonuses at the dating room.

They ask tons of questions, so they have interesting compatability rankings to see if the girl is a "friend" or "enemy." It's pretty innovative so the site is worth checking out.

Free Dating Probably one of the best free online dating guides on the Internet that reviews and ranks all of the top dating rooms.

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What's more sexy than finding sex on a sex-free app? We support our prior statement that "Luxy is a dating app for giant rich douches," but we generally hope that everyone on Luxy loses all their money in a Ponzi scheme. You're set up on a foursome with a friend and two anonymous people and are told to go into a restaurant until sparks fly. Grindr actually predates Tinder by three years and absolutely nailed the dating game by simply giving people what they want: nearby folks who want to take the scenic route to the bone zone.Unfortunately, we're literally engineered to gravitate towards attractive individuals who smell like redwood trees and caramel.If a phone sex hotline and Tinder drank and had a baby, it would come out as Revealr.You can easily set up a profile, upload photos and start meeting women!

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Zoosk This is one of the excellent new sites with plenty of free features. Ok Cupid This free dating site has exploded onto the scene and it offers a cool option.It's a no-nonsense approach to dating apps with its "I'm here to f*ck" mentality," but when you see that most of the users may/may not (but definitely are) legit prostitutes, the fun is lost. Let's face it, after Tinder took off, the appeal of Ok Cupid started to wane—much like the flaccid penises who were getting ignored by the instant gratification swipe of Tinder.

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